Saturday, March 28, 2009

Re: moment of zen

while we're on the subject of conservative earth hour, today's moment of zen is brought to you by my dear friend tom:

oh, the irony

so, i have this friend named daniel. daniel is probably one of the most conservative people i've ever tolerated for more than five minutes. he and i were discussing an event on facebook called "conservative earth hour" (turn on all the lights in your house for an hour to protest caring about the earth, basically), and this is a chilling excerpt from our conversation:

ah, sorry, i was away for a sec
my thoughts are that it's the stupidest thing in the world
it's obvious that the only reason they're doing this is so that they can find another way to disagree with liberals
if you don't ascribe to a certain political leaning, that's fine...but this is not a political issue
this is our planet at stake
I mean it makes sense to me
to take care of the earth
but sometimes
I think
people are willing to do anyhting
for the sake of Global warming
which I don't think is very solid science

yes, sweetie. but neither is creationism.*

i love this boy to death, but he can be pretty damn dense sometimes. also, he didn't even let me finish my argument. i was GOING to say that this event entirely misses the point of what it's arguing against, and that the only reason it's arguing against anything in the first place is for the sake of arguing. if these ridiculous people would put down their life-sized ann coulter sex dolls long enough to think about what the fuck they're trying to do, odds are they'd be just as confused as i am right now.

if you need me, i'll be in the dark, banging my fat liberal head against a wall.

*not god, just creationism. i like god.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

i appear to be getting into a photo-posting trend here. which is why this blog is the perfect place to post this:

welcome to emily's wardrobe circa 2004. life as you know it suddenly seems a little bit better, doesn't it? that's called perspective. you're welcome.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

oh mr. sandman...

today i dreamt that i was auditioning for a movie and had to do a sex scene with dev patel. if i dreamt things like this more often, i would probably sleep all the time. just saying.

also, i realized today that i haven't been camping in a long time. which is not cool, considering i really, really fucking love nature probably more than anything else in the world. okay, maybe i love reggae and scrabble a little bit more, but nature is a close third.* i think that, if lina has a free weekend soon, i might steal her and make her go hiking** and canoeing and camping with me. if you're lina and you're reading this, don't tell lina you just read this. i want to surprise her. or, uh, you.***

in other news, sin fang bous is awesome and you should check them out. they're from iceland. wouldn't listening to a band from iceland make you feel cultured and interesting? i bet it wou-ouuuuld! (read that aloud in a singsong voice. no, that won't do. you have a horrible voice. never mind.)

anyway, here's a video of theirs. i suggest you give them a listen, because they're pretty stellar. they're on myspace, too (, and you should add them there. in fact, i haven't either yet. i'm gonna go do that.

*meh. let's call it a tie.

**not real hiking. i am disabled and out of shape. maybe a mile or so. but i rest my case with the other two.


Sunday, March 22, 2009

the inside of my nostril is very, very swollen right now. i <3 piercings.

just thought you should know.

UPDATE (7:08 AM): i just spent 6 hours reinserting this little sucker.*

victory is mine! my nose is, however, still approximately a million times its original size:

*that's what he said?

Friday, March 20, 2009

and now, for your moment of zen:

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

the circle of life

what yo want from me, ho?
i always give you your whoreing money
it's a vicious cycle, daddy
mo money, mo drugs
mo drugs, less money
less money, mo tricks
mo tricks, mo psychotherapy

i say really, really deep and meaningful things on facebook chat when i'm sleep deprived.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

[insert witty title]

i think my wisdom teeth are finally coming in. my face hurts a lot today.

got fitted for my music man costume. one word: PETTICOAT. the whole costume put together weighs probably somewhere around 15 pounds and is full of win. anyone who's ever made fun of a lady in a giant, flowery hat is probably just jealous.

also, please buy me this car:


new york city tomorrow! it'll be the first time all 3 ash siblings have been together since december. pictures and general hilarity will ensue.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

ion't like diamonds
they're a girls best friend
last i heard
they're too ethically unsound for me
"ethically unsound"
me too uneducated to understand that term
i don't wear diamonds because they're mined predominantly in african war zones
and are traded pretty frequently to fund rebel insurgencies
oh so you one of dem human rights bullshit activist aint ya huh?
lol i kidd
shut up!
and yes.
yes i am.

greatest conversation ever. i love that crazy bitch.

stupidity loves company

every time i have a religious/philosophical discussion with a fundamentalist christian, i feel like we're getting closer and closer to the apocalypse. seriously, you'd think that these people were from a different planet or something. all i can say is oy gevalt.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


i just found my digital camera, which has been missing since december. when i'm near a computer that has a slot for my memory card, i might post some photos here. probably mostly drunk ones that my mom will see if i post them on facebook.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

p.s.! i just noticed that two--count 'em--two of my blog entries have titles that are references to the beastie boys. just in case you wondered.

no sleep till brooklyn!

on sunday, my sister and i are leaving to visit our brother in new york city. a cousin of mine, fred hersch, is a famous pianist (holy shit, he has a wikipedia page!) living in nyc who's agreed to set aside some time on monday and record with me at his studio in soho. if this isn't a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, then i don't know what is. also, if i can conjure up the cajones, i might also go to an open mic night at cleopatra's needle. which is serious shit, f'real. also a killer opportunity, should i choose to accept it (i will. don't worry.). btw, you're probably noticing i just put a closing parenthesis between two periods. am i even allowed to do that? what are your thoughts, fellow grammarians? (if you're as nerdy as i am, you probably read the last two words of the previous sentence and sang them in your head--or maybe out loud? i don't judge--to the tune of "marian the librarian". no? just me? okay.)

that about sums up what's on my mind right now. well, actually, it really doesn't. it's only a tiny fraction of what's on my mind, but i tend to figure that reading someone's stream of consciousness/incoherent written babble is far more interesting than reading what said someone actually thinks about anything. no again? too fucking bad. adieu.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

sleep meow-pnea

ok, so i'm not the best writer of humorous captions. deal with it.

said caption (since you asked) refers to the fact that, right now, my 25-pound cat hobbes is falling asleep on my bedroom floor. he snores because he's too fat not to. i just tried taking a picture of him to demonstrate how fat and sleepy and cute he is, but he woke up. and anyway, the shot was crooked. oh well.

in other news, MTV is telling approximately 10 episodes' worth of lies about my (not very) beloved alma mater, SCPA. the trailer is here.

no, we do not do perfectly choreographed hip hop dance routines in the cafeteria. fail, MTV.